


A Reason To Live

by akirerae (rerae)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura is done with his shit, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Holy crap that's an actual tag, I'm Bad At Summaries, Shiro can be self destructive, This isn't really shippy though I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 07:49:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11504916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rerae/pseuds/akirerae
Summary: Finally, for the first time that day, she turned to look at him. Really look, but Shiro wished she hadn't. Her eyes pierce straight through him."I don't understand. Do you have a death wish? Do you honestly want to die?"





	A Reason To Live

**Author's Note:**

> If you imagine this as a memory from before Shiro vanishes, you'll have x2 more fun.

* * *

 Something was wrong.  
  
From the moment Shiro stepped out of that healing pod, he knew. The others were ecstatic that he was okay, which was nothing new. But the _Princess_. She stood off the side, aloof. She looked at him when she thought she caught him unaware, and every time there was a sense of deep disappointment, like he had failed her somehow.  
  
The silent treatment continued well throughout the day. At meal times, when they had received coordinates for their next mission, during training. Her determination to avoid him like the plague cut deep into him, like a knife.  
  
It wasn't until she had to dress his wounds after a particularly rough encounter with a Galran fleet that he realized why. She spoke in clipped sentences, applied first aid with a tad bit more force than usual, and left without a single parting word when she was finished.  
  
He didn't know what he would say to her - he didn't even plan on going after her at all - but apparently, his feet had different plans. They followed her the second she exited the room.  
  
"Princess!" he cried out, hoping she would listen. The falter in her steps told him that she did. He pressed forward, forgetting protocol in that moment.  
  
"Allura!"  
  
Her steps slowed to a complete stop, but her back remained tense, her shoulders stiff.  
  
"Allura," his voice was hushed, breathless from running and tight from the weight that settled itself in the center of his chest, "please look at me."  
  
She hugs herself and takes a half step forward, away from him. "...I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry, but I can't seem to bring myself to look at you right now."  
  
The weight dug into him. But he couldn't blame her. He couldn't. She looked vulnerable. Scared. All that dignity and grace, curled up on itself and hurting.  
  
And it was all his fault.  
  
"...I understand."  
  
"Shiro..." She took a moment to gather her thoughts and judging from the tension in her voice, forced the words past her lips. "This is the third time you've been in a healing pod this week, and I've lost track of how many minor injuries you sustained in battle."  
  
Finally, for the first time that day, she turned to look at him. _Really_ look, but Shiro wished she hadn't. Her eyes pierce straight through him.  
  
"I don't understand. Do you have a death wish? Do you honestly want to die?"  
  
"It's not that." he quickly denied like clockwork. "I've..."  
  
For the briefest of moments, he considered telling her the truth.  
  
"It's apart of the job."  
  
Her eyes narrowed into slits. He forgot how intimidating she can be. She's not using her abilities to tower over him, but she might as well had.  
  
"No. No it is not 'apart of the job.' The mission is to defeat Zarkon and save the universe. You, or any of the paladins, _dying_ is not it."  
  
She spat out the word like poison.  
  
He has to look away. Her gaze was too much to bear. He ran his hand- his human hand- through his hair and breathed a sigh. "...It comes with the territory Princess, and you know it."  
  
"Fine!" Out of the corner of his eyes he saw her throw her hands up in frustration. He flinched. _His fault, his fault._ "Yes, dying comes with the territory but what you're doing isn't healthy! There is a definitive difference between _dying_ and near _suicide_!"  
  
His flinch came twice as hard at the word. Suicide. He didn't even think about that. Sure, he had been reckless. Perhaps a little too reckless. If one of the others acted the same as he had the past couple days, he would be upset too. Gathering his courage, he looked at her and opened his mouth. To apologize. Explain. Something, _anything_ , to ease her pain.  
  
"Princess-"  
  
"No."  
  
Her commander tone. His mouth snapped shut.   
  
She held up a hand, her eyes steel. "Let me finish. As your commander, I must. I hate to assume things of people because I realize that I don't know the whole story, but what choice do I have? You are constantly endangering yourself. You talk of passing the torch to a different paladin. The actions and the words you speak tell me of a man who has accepted death. Not a man who has accepted death despite wishing to live. Someone who wholeheartedly wishes to live but is willing to lay their life on the line for others."  
  
She peered into his eyes, searching for something, and it took all of his willpower not to shy away.  
  
"No, you are someone who accepts death like an old friend. You- It is as if someone has beaten the will to live right out of you. Like all of this is merely clockwork."  
  
Shiro closed his eyes and bowed his head. Tried to regulate his breathing despite the images flashing across the back of his eyelids, despite the imaginary sounds roaring in his ears.  
  
He's not there anymore. That wasn't his life anymore.  
  
The memories were merely ghosts.  
  
Ghosts that haunted him everyday.  
  
Ghosts that stood by him and threatened to drown him as he spoke.  
  
"Allura..." After a few tries, he managed to work past the lump in his throat. "Sometimes... with things like this... you have to see it as clockwork."  
  
"...I understand." Her voice was soft and suddenly a lot closer than it was before. It made him look up and choke on air. She was still vulnerable, but it was a different kind of vulnerability that made him wish for her anger instead.  
  
"My father has told me similar things." She took another step closer. "But he also told me that I must always remember to live. Because there is always something to live for. At the end of the battle, at the end of the war, there should always be something you hold dear to your heart. A reason to live another day."  
  
"Your father was a wise man."  
  
"He was." Her eyes drifted to the floor and Shiro wished he didn't say anything. Her father was still a sensitive topic. Still, he's grateful. She was willing to share this with him. "I wish he could be here. He would have loved to meet you."  
  
It was his turn to inspect the floor. "I'm... honored that you think so highly of me, Princess."  
  
"Of course I do." Her voice was lighter, more cheerful. They were back on safer ground. "Everyone on this ship and across the universe does."  
  
"Okay... now you're flattering me a little too much." He rubbed the back of his neck and mentally kicks himself for the warmth radiating in his ears. It's like he was a kid again, easily embarrassed from kind words spoken by a person with a pretty face.  
  
His hand freezed up.  
  
Wait, what?   
  
"Perhaps." His eyes flickered up in time to see her playfully shrug her shoulder. After a pause, she wrung her hands. "Shiro? May I ask you something? If it's too personal, you don't have to answer."  
  
He could have his mental pep talk with himself later.  
  
"Go ahead, Princess."  
  
"...Do you have anything to live for?"  
  
The hopeful smile on her lips drove the weight into his chest for an entirely different reason altogether.   
  
For a brief moment, he considered telling her the truth.  
  
"I think I'm starting to."  
  
The way her eyes lit up was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing for this pair and the Voltron fandom in general. Honestly, their relationship in the show is a really good slow burn fic. Hopefully I did them justice. Shout out to Del for tolerating me haha.
> 
> Thanks for reading! (I hate to be that person, but kudos and comments really do make my day.)


End file.
